i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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