I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
