just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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