How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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