Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
