in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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