I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
