Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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