you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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