My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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