new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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