I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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