I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
