Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
