Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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