I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
