it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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