It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize