I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
