I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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