her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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