shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
