Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
