I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
