i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
