So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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