I need help removing her.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
