Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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