she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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