we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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