Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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