Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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