Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
