I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
