so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
