My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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