whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
