I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
