btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
