i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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