are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
