Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
