ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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