The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
