my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
