i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
