Swine flu. Run for my life!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
