what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
