One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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