I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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