And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
