i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
