I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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