I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
