Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
