as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
