So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
