I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
