State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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