My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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