I faked an abortion last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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