i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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