Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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