Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
