i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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