We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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