i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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