i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The ass gains better be worth it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
